Trust in the Lord with all your heart.
And lean not on your own understanding:
In all your ways acknowledge Him.
And He shall direct your paths.
First – sorry for the break from my devotional blog yesterday. I woke up late, so had to squeeze my Bible time in to the kids nap time…you mom’s need no further explanation. Suffice it to say, I wasn’t so much waiting on the Lord yesterday as just trying to get thru it before the munchkins were back awake.
Today is a different story. I saw the impact my lack of quiet time had on my day yesterday. Let’s not do that again, ok Tonya?
This morning, I’m back to an exhortation to trust God. Again. Fitting, since my trust is so easily placed in other things. Like cookies. Let me elaborate.
Today marks one year from beginning a quest to lose weight. No, it was more than that. My desire was to shed pounds, yes, but beyond that I wanted to play with my kids easily, go on walks, be energetic about activities…to be full of life. I’m very close to my goal of losing 60 pounds. As of this morning, I’m down 56. My size 6 jeans are falling off of me – a year ago, I was sausage wrapped into my 16′s. In the past year I’ve learned how to exercise thru the “I-want-to-quit” feeling, what single portion of pasta actually looks like, that everything does NOT need to be drenched in cheese to taste good and (something I’d forgotten) when I’m skinny, I pretty much have no chest. I have more energy than I have since I was about 17 years old. I’m turning 30 in six months and I don’t even care because I’m in the best shape of my life and I feel amazing.
So, what’s the problem? What I haven’t learned, is how to stop making food my go-to for every emotion. I almost started crying this morning when I read the following passage out of my devotional – which is written as if God is talking – “If you believe that I am sovereign over every aspect of your life, it is possible to trust Me in ALL situations. Don’t waste energy regretting the way things are or thinking about what might have been. Start at the present moment – accepting things exactly as they are – and search for My way in the midst of those circumstances.” This is exactly what I needed to hear after my struggles yesterday.
Last night, I was a little lonely. My hubby was home from work about an hour and then went out to a jam session with the worship team from church. He very rarely is not with me in the evenings – and I missed him. Plus, I was bored. Instead of doing something constructive…dishes, laundry, vacuuming or just playing with the kids…away from the kitchen, I baked. There was already an apple pie that I made yesterday sitting on the counter – there was no need to bake anything. But I did. To prep for whipping up some peanut butter/Hershey’s kiss cookies, I enjoyed an enormous piece of pie. Then I ate a handful of kisses because (oops!) I’d unwrapped a few too many. Once the peanut butter delights had cooled enough that they wouldn’t scald my mouth, I devoured a half dozen of them. Then I felt absolutely awful.
I regretted my lack of self-control all night long. I didn’t sleep well, and when I did, had dreams that I’d packed on 50 pounds and could fit into any of my cruise dresses. I awoke this morning, still feeling disgusted with myself. Then I heard God’s message for me. “Stop. Just stop beating yourself up over what has happened in the past. Focus on right now. Trust Me with your emotions, let them just be. We’ll get through them together.” As much as I don’t believe it, God wants to walk this roller-coaster food battle with me. I’m so thankful for that. It’s amazing. He wants me to turn to Him when I’m upset, disappointed, hurting, lonely, bored, stressed or just unhappy. Not cookies. God. What a concept.
-Lord, please help me to trust you in all circumstances. No matter what the emotion, how I’m struggling or feeling, help me to lean on you. Walk with me as I attempt to deal with the underlying issues that turn me to food. Help me instead to turn those problems over to you.