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Running the Costco Marathon

I ran the Costco marathon today. I made excellent time. The track is three times from the far wall to the bathrooms at the front of the store. I can run it in about a minute and a half. Too bad it isn’t a real event.

I went to Costco to return a sweatshirt and pick up some pretzels. I’ve eaten my way through two 6 pound bags since I got on the weight loss gig in January. I’m not really enjoying them anymore, I now hate the sight of a bag of pretzels the size of a 5 year old, but they are a great low-fat light calorie snack. I headed to my local store after my workout this morning, but before I left the Y, I had to see if Madison needed to use the bathroom. We’re in the middle of our second week of potty training – which means I’ve spent more time in rooms with a toilet than rooms without one recently. Balancing Donovan on my hip, I managed to get Madison’s dress up, panties down and lift her to the seat. I know, it’s hard imagine one person doing all that unassisted. I’m pretty amazing. She wiggled around, asked what the bar on the wall was for and ultimately did not do any “business”.

After the 15 minute drive to Costco – we tried again. This time, in the busy bathrooms inside the store – which (of course) are located at the far back corner. So, I parked the cart, keeping my 8 month-old in sight, and got Madison situated in a stall. I noticed, while giving Madison privacy, that there were new Dyson hand dryers installed. Fancy! Shortly after that, someone used one and something else became very obvious – they are L-O-U-D! Like a jet engine starting up loud. Simultaneously, my kids started screaming. Madison was shouting “That’s scaring me!” from perched on the toilet while Donovan was just crying loudly from the cart. Super. The next 5 minutes seemed like an eternity. Poor Donovan would not be consoled, and Madison was much more concerned with figuring out the noise than with going pee. Finally, she announced she was done. Not that she’d actually gone, just that she was done. Sigh. I was just glad to get my normally happy, but currently hysterical little boy out of there.

We got most of the way across the store, almost to the pretzels, when Maddie looked up at me and said “I have to go potty Mommy”. Now, here’s my dilemma. I’m positive she doesn’t actually have to go. Well, mostly positive. I want to scold her for not going when we were just there. But I don’t want her to not tell me the next time she really has to go. Doggone it! I make a u-turn with our giant cart and (dodging old ladies and little kids the whole way) rapidly make a beeline back to the toilets. We get there dry (hooray!) but as suddenly as it came,  Madison’s urge vanishes.  I make her sit on the potty a few minutes, which in essence was choosing to torment Donovan with the crazy loud air machines again, but no luck. She just looks at me with those big innocent eyes and says “Mommy, there’s no pee.”.

Back out into the store we traipse, this time making it all the way to the other end where the pretzels are kept. Just as I’m placing the enormous bag into the cart, Madison “has to go” again. Seriously!? What am I supposed to do. If I ignore her and she has an accident then it’s my fault right? I’m sure she just enjoys seeing me break a sweat trying to get to the bathrooms in record time. I once again manage to get across the store and her little butt positioned on the “throne” but ended up with the same deal as the last two times. Donovan’s tears at the big bad hand dryer were the only liquid coming out of either kid. I hate those dryers. I really do.

I shopped long enough to discover Christmas lights and wrapping paper are out and that the Princess Aurora costume doesn’t come in Madison’s size before she wanted to go potty again. This time I’d had enough – I wasn’t going back in there. At least not until I’d checked out. I decided to take the register nearest the bathrooms where I (of course) got the absolute s.l.o.w.e.s.t…c.h.e.c.k.e.r…e.v.e.r. Maddie told me a couple times in line that she was being “a good girl and holding it”. Pretzels purchased, I turned the cart once again towards the bathroom and almost broke out in song when I heard a little tinkle from Maddie’s stall only seconds after she went in. We weren’t even in there long enough for anyone to use the dumb hand dryers. Woo-hoo!!

I suppose I should just deal with the fact that frequently I’m going to be dashing to the bathrooms with nothing to show for it. That going, but not going is better than having to clean up after an accident. But I don’t know. Somehow, changing a little girl into dry clothes and lugging the wet ones to the car seems like a lot less work than running another Costco Marathon.

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